Thursday, January 20, 2011

15 other passive aggressive things Cashman could have said at the press conference

- The Yankees have had a history of having needlessly expensive contracts blow up in our face, and it is wonderful to add Rafael Soriano to that list.

- Soriano is the wrong fit for this team. It is a mistake. We shouldn’t have made this move. But hey! Welcome to the team.

- I feel it is best to point out a player’s shortcomings and show as little confidence in him as possible before introducing him to the New York media. It’s how I roll.

- How much did I not want him? I tried to bring in Carl Pavano instead. No seriously I did.

- I am going to copyright the headline “Who’s SORI-a-NOW?” so when the New York Post uses it, I can get a royalty. Notice I didn’t say “if.”

- Well evidently some people think the team isn’t old enough and doesn’t have enough players who have had multiple surgeries.

- With such a thin rotation, we decided to shore up the bullpen so we could run their arms into the ground. The good news is if Soriano gets two more surgeries, the next one will be free.

- We listened to the scouts who all agree that an injury prone player who let’s up fly balls in this stadium was the route to go.

- I am looking forward to next year when we can try to trade this crappy contract for one of the Mets crappy contracts.

- We had differing ideas on what to do with $35 million. They wanted a 30 year old middle reliever with elbow issues. I wanted to throw it into the Hudson River.

- I’d like to thank you all for coming here today. I’d LIKE to do that, but I am waiting for Hank and Hal to give me permission to do that too.

- We are breaking new ground in giving middle relievers huge contracts. Do you know why no team has done that before? Because it is f*cking moronic. But what do I know? I’m just the GM of the New York Yankees.

- I don’t like to think we’ve lost that first round pick. I like to think that the Rays will use that pick and when he is older and more expensive, we’ll just sign him as a free agent.

- Of course we wouldn’t have needed to sign Soriano if we had let Joba Chamberlain develop into a solid reliever. Who’s idea was it to put him in the rotation? (Coughing) * Hank! *

- I would like to announce that I am printing out “Soriano Sucks” t-shirts and will be selling them on line. I might as well profit from this whole thing.

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