I have a theory. Brad Lidge made a deal with Satan.
I have no proof of this, but I think I am correct. Bear with me.
Brad Lidge just blew his second save in as many games and sixth game of the year after not blowing a single game in 2008 throughout the regular season all the way through the end of the World Series.
He’s got a 7.27 ERA and the once Lights Out Lidge now makes Philadelphia fans nervous as if Mitch Williams was pitching to Joe Carter.
What happened?
We shouldn’t look to 2009 for answers but instead look to 2005.
The shadow of the Pujols homer has followed him. I am convinced he couldn’t order dinner at a restaurant without being reminded of it.
“And the veal parmesan goes to the guy who let up the Pujols homer.”
At that point he was going the inevitable scrap heap of closers who flamed out.Remember Billy Koch? Remember how fast Keith Foulke collapsed?
Remember how Mark Davis went from a Cy Young winner to the waiver wire?
At that point, I believe the dark lord known as Satan (pictured on the left) struck a deal with Lidge.
SATAN:
Look, how would you like a legacy other than serving up Pujols homer and single handedly destroying the Astros only chance in the World Series after letting up the Podsednik homer in Game 2 and the World Series clinching run in Game 4?
Look, how would you like a legacy other than serving up Pujols homer and single handedly destroying the Astros only chance in the World Series after letting up the Podsednik homer in Game 2 and the World Series clinching run in Game 4?
LIDGE:
What do YOU think?
SATAN:
Seriously... Albert Pujols teeing off of you is one thing. SCOTT PODSEDNIK? He hit as many homers as Nancy Reagan that year! And you let him launch a walk off shot in the World Series?
LIDGE:
Enough.
SATAN:
I can help you. You'll be a World Series hero when I am done!
LIDGE:
Are you kidding me? That would be great! Winning a World Series in Houston would make everything better.
SATAN:
Nahh. Not Houston. It’s not a baseball town. You need to do it for a fan base that would REALLY appreciate it.
LIDGE:
THE CUBS!
SATAN:
(Laughing) Oh please. The Cubs? Do you know how many more souls I can collect if I let the Billy Goat Curse stretch over 100 years? Nah… can’t kill the Golden Goose.
LIDGE:
What about the Giants?
SATAN:
No way. Even I can’t fix their lineup.
LIDGE:
The Red Sox?
SATAN:
I’m sick of Boston. After all I did for Boston fans this decade I don’t owe them a God Damn thing! In fact I have a cruel trick in store for them. Watch the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl and you’ll see my handiwork.
LIDGE:
How about the Indians?
SATAN:
Lidge… let me tell you something. I’ve tried with Cleveland. I thought I had the 1997 World Series wrapped up for them. But there is a force more powerful than me.
LIDGE:
You mean God?
SATAN:
No. The bad karma in Cleveland. It’s bigger than God and me combined. I’m just washing my hands with that city.
LIDGE:
What about Pittsburgh?
SATAN:
Nah. Pittsburgh fans would trade in 10 Pirates World Series titles for one playoff with for the Steelers.
LIDGE:
I could go to the Yankees.
SATAN:
Lidge, here's a little tip from your pal Satan. If you want to win a ring, make sure one of your teammates isn't Alex Rodriguez. I signed him to a contract that even Scott Boros can't opt out of! By the way, did you like what I did with Joba and the midges in the playoffs?
LIDGE:
What about the Mets?
SATAN:
Nah… I’m having too much fun f---ing with their fans.
LIDGE:
How about Philadelphia?
Satan scratches his chin.
SATAN:
That’s an interesting idea. Philadelphia fans are hungry for a title. It’s a Northeastern team so they have some deeply rooted loyalty. And I bet I can arrange to help you AND to torment Mets fans, Cubs fans and punish Tampa Bay for taking “Devil” out of their name.
LIDGE:
Sounds good to me.
SATAN:
OK. Philly it is. For one year you will be perfect. And I mean perfect. You won’t blow a lead all year. The only loss you’ll have all year will be in the All Star Game, and that ironically will allow you to clinch the World Series at home. You will be mobbed and loved by Phillies fans. And for all time you will be the closer for the first Philadelphia champion in a quarter of a century.
LIDGE:
That’s awesome!
SATAN:
And the next year it will be all over and you will reach a new level of suck that you didn’t achieve on your worst days in Houston.
LIDGE:
Oooo.
SATAN:
And I will be the possessor of your eternal soul and when you die you will experience a torment that even Milton couldn’t imagine!
LIDGE:
Eric Milton?
SATAN:
Never mind. Your body will burn. Your insides will be ripped from your body. You will spend an eternity screaming into a void for mercy and realize it will never come. And with each scream you will learn the value of life and have the sorrow that your life and soul was squandered and you choke on your own blood.
LIDGE:
But do I get a World Series ring?
SATAN:
Yup.
LIDGE:
Where do I sign?
LIDGE:
Are you kidding me? That would be great! Winning a World Series in Houston would make everything better.
SATAN:
Nahh. Not Houston. It’s not a baseball town. You need to do it for a fan base that would REALLY appreciate it.
LIDGE:
THE CUBS!
SATAN:
(Laughing) Oh please. The Cubs? Do you know how many more souls I can collect if I let the Billy Goat Curse stretch over 100 years? Nah… can’t kill the Golden Goose.
LIDGE:
What about the Giants?
SATAN:
No way. Even I can’t fix their lineup.
LIDGE:
The Red Sox?
SATAN:
I’m sick of Boston. After all I did for Boston fans this decade I don’t owe them a God Damn thing! In fact I have a cruel trick in store for them. Watch the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl and you’ll see my handiwork.
LIDGE:
How about the Indians?
SATAN:
Lidge… let me tell you something. I’ve tried with Cleveland. I thought I had the 1997 World Series wrapped up for them. But there is a force more powerful than me.
LIDGE:
You mean God?
SATAN:
No. The bad karma in Cleveland. It’s bigger than God and me combined. I’m just washing my hands with that city.
LIDGE:
What about Pittsburgh?
SATAN:
Nah. Pittsburgh fans would trade in 10 Pirates World Series titles for one playoff with for the Steelers.
LIDGE:
I could go to the Yankees.
SATAN:
Lidge, here's a little tip from your pal Satan. If you want to win a ring, make sure one of your teammates isn't Alex Rodriguez. I signed him to a contract that even Scott Boros can't opt out of! By the way, did you like what I did with Joba and the midges in the playoffs?
LIDGE:
What about the Mets?
SATAN:
Nah… I’m having too much fun f---ing with their fans.
LIDGE:
How about Philadelphia?
Satan scratches his chin.
SATAN:
That’s an interesting idea. Philadelphia fans are hungry for a title. It’s a Northeastern team so they have some deeply rooted loyalty. And I bet I can arrange to help you AND to torment Mets fans, Cubs fans and punish Tampa Bay for taking “Devil” out of their name.
LIDGE:
Sounds good to me.
SATAN:
OK. Philly it is. For one year you will be perfect. And I mean perfect. You won’t blow a lead all year. The only loss you’ll have all year will be in the All Star Game, and that ironically will allow you to clinch the World Series at home. You will be mobbed and loved by Phillies fans. And for all time you will be the closer for the first Philadelphia champion in a quarter of a century.
LIDGE:
That’s awesome!
SATAN:
And the next year it will be all over and you will reach a new level of suck that you didn’t achieve on your worst days in Houston.
LIDGE:
Oooo.
SATAN:
And I will be the possessor of your eternal soul and when you die you will experience a torment that even Milton couldn’t imagine!
LIDGE:
Eric Milton?
SATAN:
Never mind. Your body will burn. Your insides will be ripped from your body. You will spend an eternity screaming into a void for mercy and realize it will never come. And with each scream you will learn the value of life and have the sorrow that your life and soul was squandered and you choke on your own blood.
LIDGE:
But do I get a World Series ring?
SATAN:
Yup.
LIDGE:
Where do I sign?
Maybe the best post ever.
ReplyDeleteFunny stuff.
ReplyDeleteAf or the Cleveland Curse...two words: Chief. Wahoo.
You do realize that the Pujols homer was in the NLCS, right? Which the Astros won and advanced to the World Series?
ReplyDeleteSo it doesn't really follow that the Pujols homer "single handedly [destroyed] the Astros only chance in the World Series".
FACT CHECKING - it's what's for dinner.
Yes... I am aware that Pujols homer was in the NLCS
ReplyDeleteAre you aware that Lidge lost two games in the World Series?
There were only 4 games and his record was 0-2.
Are you aware that Scott Podsednik homered off of Lidge for a walk off home run? Did you know that Scott Podsednik had zero homers in the regular season but had one off of Lidge?
And that Lidge lost game 4 of the World Series (the clincher) by letting up the RBI single to Jermaine Dye?
So I think saying an 0-2 record in the World Series is a pretty good case for single handedly destroying the Astros only chance in the World Series.
Maybe I should make that clearer that I wasn't only saying the Pujols homer but his 0-2 record in the Series
I assume you already knew all of that from the World Series
I check my facts. Hopefully the World Series flop wasn't news to you.
Yes - "saying an 0-2 record in the World Series is a pretty good case for single handedly destroying the Astros only chance in the World Series" is absolutely correct - but that is not what you said.
ReplyDeleteYou said the Pujols homer "single handedly [destroyed] the Astros only chance in the World Series".
Those are two very different things.
Although I see you now changed the post to add in all the stuff about Podsednik (which should have been there in the first place), so you must agree with me. No need to get defensive- just get your facts straight the first time around... or take your lumps when people point out your mistake.
Kick his ass Sea Bass!
ReplyDeleteI put the Podsednik line in there to clarify that they were two different thoughts. Never for a second did I think that the Pujols home run was in the World Series.
ReplyDeleteThe mistake I made was clarity in the writing. I also felt I could squeeze another joke out of it
But Anon,
ReplyDeleteI reread what I wrote last night and I, Sully, the writer of this blog, apologize for the defensive tone I took.
After rereading it, it did seem like a snooty response and I'm sorry.
Understanding from my point of view I thought I was writing two separate ideas with typing "serving up Pujols homer and Single handedly destroying the Astros chance in the World Series."
I realize after your comment and my snooty response that maybe I wasn't clear in my writing.
You understand that sometimes I get called out for facts when the people calling me out are wrong.
I wrote once how if Bill Buckner had made his play, it wouldn't have won the World Series. And someone wrote "There were two outs, you idiot!" Not realizing the game was tied."
I made a reference to Hank Aaron finishing his career with the Brewers and someone wrote "He played for the Milwaukee BRAVES you idiot" not realizing he actually did finish with the Brewers.
So I lumped you in with ironic group of people who call me out of fact checking without checking their facts.
I apologize for that and for my tone.
And your post let me squeeze one more joke into the piece.
Accept my apology and let's have nothing but love in the world.
Sully
Sully, there will be nothing but love in this world if Manuel slides Madson into the closer role starting today.
ReplyDeletethat was really funny... the whole Pujols/Pods thing was pretty clear too since it is impossible for the Astros to face the Cards in the WS.
ReplyDeleteJust sayin ;)
The problem with anonymous posters is I have no idea if I made peace with anyone!!
ReplyDeleteIm from Philly and I did see Satans minivan at Lidges place on NOvember 1st to collect his soul.
ReplyDeleteI dont read you alot but this was good - fortunately the Mets have made a similar deal "hey jose,david, and crew we're gonna make you millionaires but you seriously wont have even an inch of leadership ability in you therefore you wont touch a chamionship..reyes yells " where do i sign" wright just smiles and signs.
dont philly fans get tired of being obsessed with ny and the mets? even after a ws win? come on now get some class philadelphia..and if u dont know wut that means look it up in that dictionary aka the book holding ur window open..
ReplyDeleteI thought the article was entertaining. Phillies can now enjoy the misery of seeing leads and games coughed up. NICE, very nice!
ReplyDeleteSmitty,
ReplyDeleteYou guys won the world series. This post was pretty funny and just about ripped on every struggling ballclub. Let it go.
YOu're right.. the juices are flowing for the series this week. I was just having some fun, still think the piece was hilarious
ReplyDeleteHouston isn't a baseball town????
ReplyDeleteOther than that it was very funny stuff. I like the style you write with.
This is hilarious, and you're a very nice guy - that other anonymous was being annoying.
ReplyDeleteTHIS IS THE GREATEST POST...JUST AWESOME! And since I was born an Astros fan, and had this sinking feeling once the Astros were freed from his Pujols complex that Lidge would begin to terrorize me (a Mets fan now) as Philly...and I was right...HA! BUT, THIS IS JUST AWESOME! my favorite part: “And the veal parmesan goes to the guy who let up the Pujols homer.” (I would LOVE that on a shirt!)
ReplyDeleteGreat story. By Golly, I do believe it's true. Written back in June. Still truin in September.
ReplyDeleteStill true as the 2010 season starts tomorrow with Lidge on the DL.
ReplyDeleteHello my friend, i think that your post is ok i love sports but you should add some images like:
ReplyDeleteInversiones en oro