The Pros and Cons about being Carl Pavano

The Good Things About Being Carl Pavano:

- You get to, at least for the time being, show up to work as a Major League Baseball player.

- You have won a World Series ring. And that 2003 ring with the Marlins was earned with an 8 inning 1 run performance in the Game 4 win.

- You were once traded for Pedro Martinez.

- You had the good timing of having your best season before your free agency walk season. (That's some coincidence!) 18-8 and a 3.00 ERA in 2004.

- You also timed your free agency when the Yankees and Red Sox were coming off of back to back classic ALCS match ups and were trying to one up each other. You cashed that into a 4 year $39.95 million deal with the Yankees.

- Your most recent agent has huge stones calling you a "1-2 starter" and a 200 innings guy.

- You have had sex with Alyssa Milano.

The Bad Things About Being Carl Pavano:

- That trade involving Pedro Martinez is considered to be one of the most lop sided deals in history... and not because you were so good.

- Not only were you in one of the most lopsided trades ever, but your contract with the Yankees was considered to be so bad that it is on the shortlist for worst free agent signings ever.

- You were so hated in New York that the Yankees made no attempt to mask their contempt for you. Joe Torre trashing you in his book wasn't even remotely surprising.

- Between June 27, 2005 and August 23, 2008, you threw 11 1/3 innings for the Yankees while cashing over $27 million in checks over that period of time. His agent calls him a 200 inning guy? Over how many seasons?

- Your agent might have some serious onions to call you a #1 starter... but he wasn't good enough to squeeze the last $50,000 out of the contract to make it an even $40 million.

- You might not be cashing many more big league checks. Your first outing for Cleveland today was a 1+ inning, 9 run, 2 homer horror show. 

- Alyssa Milano implied you were not well endowed. (You probably had to go on the DL with her too!)

THE VERDICT

IT'S GOOD TO BE CARL PAVANO

The good outweighs the bad...

Besides, isn't making millions of dollars a year while not working kind of the American dream?

That and shacking up with Alyssa Milano