Thursday, March 29, 2007

Let's Start an irresponsible rumor

Original post date: Thursday, October 5, 2006

BUD SELIG ORDERED THAT SOMEONE INJURE PEDRO MARTINEZ AND EL DUQUE HERNANDEZ SO THE DODGERS CAN MAKE IT TO THE WORLD SERIES!

I have no proof of that, but I believe it is 100% true.

Hear me out.

WHAT IS SUSPICIOUS?

Well the Mets were on a rampage to win the division and then have a rested and ready Pedro Martinez and El Duque Hernandez pushing the Mets all the way to the World Series.

Suddenly Pedro gets hurt again. And it is his left calf... after having his RIGHT calf hurt all season. And suddenly he needs rotator cuff surgery.

So El Duque, a cool as ice post season pitcher was pressed into opening game duties.
Now he didn't have a great season, but the God only knows how old Cuban defector El Duque is a post season master.

From his first playoff game when he mowed down the Indians in a must win game for the Yankees in 1998, to his MVP in the 1999 ALCS to last year breaking the Red Sox backs while picking up another ring with Chicago, El Duque is not afraid of the playoffs.

Hell, he wasn't afraid of sharks on his raft, why would he care about the Dodgers?

Suddenly he gets hurt. And he goes from running sprints to being on crutches.
Next thing you know rookie John Maine has to start the playoffs and the Mets look vulnerable for the first time all year.

And always after a hospital visit.

Listen to me closely... Selig is paying off the doctors to injure them! I bet he had an intern slash Pedro's calf. And if the intern chickened out, he'd grab the scalpel himself!

Or if not to injure them, to give an unfavorable diagnosis. El Duque probably needed an hour in the Whirlpool, but Selig made sure the doctors confirmed the worst case scenario.

One pitcher going down suddenly... fine.
Two pitchers one right after the other? That's a bit much to handle... kind of like Jack Ruby killing Oswald before he could testify.

That is a perfect and not exaggerated analogy.


WHY WOULD SELIG FAVOR THE DODGERS?

Remember why the Mayor in Jaws kept the beaches open even though he knew a shark was out there? He said "We need summer dollars!"

Well Selig needs TV dollars, and he'll get them even if he has to pull a Tonya Harding.

Ratings for last year's World Series were lower than Al Jazeera test patterns and it doesn't look too good for this year either.

Well, there's no heart warming story this year. No Cubs, no Red Sox, no White Sox having to kick a curse. And it turns out nobody cared about the White Sox except those players trapped in the Iowa cornfield.

So without a storyline to latch onto, what match up could produce bigtime ratings and still be able to dust off lots of old black and white clips, tie the games back to the history and get big market TV ratings?

Yankees vs. Dodgers!

It would be the first match up of the two since 1981... they are DUE for a rematch.

All of the black and white clips will be unearthed:

Jackie Robinson stealing home past Yogi... Mickey Owen's passed ball... Al Gionfriddo's catch... the Dodgers finally winning in 1955... the Don Larsen perfect game... the Dodgers moving to LA... Sandy Koufax dominating.

If those are too old for you, how about Reggie Jackson's homering 3 straight times in 1977? Or Fernando-mania climaxing with a complete game win in the '81 series?

It would be great pre-game TV! Plus they can wheel out a bunch of old people who remember the Dodgers moving. And they will bring Rachel Robinson out to talk about Jackie. Yogi is still around. Maybe Rachel will try to steal home off of Yogi!

Plus the Yankees have tons of star power (A-Rod, Jeter, Damon, Big Unit... you know, the entire AL All Star team.) Easy to market them.

And they can get the Red Sox fans wanting to see the Yankees lose AND they'd get to see Nomar Garciaparra get the ring he couldn't get with the Red Sox.

Plus Yankee Stadium and Dodgers Stadium look so great on TV and had so many great playoff memories and moments that they can run "Greatest moments of Yankee Stadium/Dodger Stadium" every game and have enough for extra innings.

Try coming up with "Greatest Moments in Padres history."
The only footage of a Padres World Championship is from "The Kid From Left Field" with Gary Coleman and Robert Guillaume managing in the dugout.

And in order for this rating bonanza, they need the Dodgers to win... at any cost.


WHY HURT THE METS?

Sure the Mets play in New York... but they aren't the Yankees.
The Mets aren't as sexy as the Yankees. They have goofier uniforms, an uglier stadium and let's face it... harder to root for.

If you are a Yankees fan, your team is on top year in and year out.
The Mets are the anti Yankees. They don't have the tradition of winning over generations. Every Met fan I know wears their devotion as a badge of honor, as if to say "Oh, I could root for the Yankees... but I want to feel pain in order to appreciate pleasure."

They are like the girl in college who dated guys who treated them badly and acts as if they deserved it. Mets fans are perpetually "in a bad relationship."

So putting the Mets on the grand stage doesn't have the same pull as the Yankees because hating the Mets isn't a national pastime like hating the Yankees.

And the celebrities at Shea aren’t as cool as at Yankee Stadium. Billy Crystal, Denzel Washington and Al Pacino will show up to the Bronx.

How often can they cut to Ray Romano, or John McEnroe? And yeah, I’m sure Fox will give lots of air time to Mets fanatic Tim Robbins!

And a Yankees – Mets World Series would be a disaster ratings wise (like it was in 2000.)

So while the Mets would be a better ratings coup than the Padres (San Diego a TV market surrounded by Los Angeles, the desert, the Pacific and Mexico... total households watching the Padres in a World Series might not hit double digits.)

Losing the Mets would be acceptable collateral damage....
They would be the patsy... like Oswald.



COME ON! SELIG WOULDN'T BE INVOLVED IN A CONSPIRACY!!!

Oh no?
He was one of the owners found guilty of collusion in 1989 to try and fix free agent prices.

He couldn't control free agent prices illegally, so he conspired to destroy the office of the commissioner so he can have free will do whatever he wants. He was one of the owners who colluded to force Fay Vincent out of the Commissioner's office. He put himself in as "temporary commissioner." His temporary assignment has been continuous since 1992.

And as soon as he got that title, he ran wild using his unchecked power to do whatever he wanted. He became The Emporer in Star Wars, only with a perpetually glistening bottom lip.

He was the "commissioner" when the owners started crying poor. "Franchises will fold unless we curb spending." Yet he expanded the game by 4 teams. Which is it? Are teams folding or are we expanding?

That double talk cost us the 1994 World Series and just about ruined the sport... until the McGwire and Sosa chase.

Remember him testifying in congress about how he knew nothing about it, but then let on "What was I to do? My sport was dying!" Nah.... that's not a guy who would be in on a conspiracy!

He tried to fold the Minnesota Twins so his buddy Carl Pohlad could make some extra dough and Bud would have a bargaining chip to crush the players union... except he made illegal conflict of interest loans to the Minnesota management. Hush money no doubt.

So this is a man who in three different decades was involved in shady under the table dealings. Hell, Michael Corleone only ran the family for two decades. He is an amateur compared to Selig.

And like Michael, who would make his sister a widow and whack his own brother, Bud would stop at nothing to keep his power...for which he needs the TV money.

El Duque is Carlo in the front seat, about to be choked by Clemenza.
Pedro is Fredo in the boat, saying his Hail Marys.



So yes, I've compared Selig to Jack Ruby, Mayor Vaughn in "Jaws", Tonya Harding, the Emperor in "Return of the Jedi" and Michael Corleone... but he brought it on himself.

I believe everything I just wrote.
I also believe there is a monster in Loch Ness, so consider the source.


But let's be irresponsible and spread this rumor, shall we?

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