Original Post Date: Monday, October 9, 2006
Well, my picks for the Division Series were all wrong.
So I feel I needed a new system for the next round.
I turned to my beautiful and amazing wife Lisa.
She doesn’t follow baseball at all and thinks it is kind of silly that I get so passionate about the Red Sox when the players change every year.
I think she also doesn’t understand why I still care about the playoffs when the Red Sox are out of it.
Oh, she was happy for me when the Red Sox won the World Series, but requested during the 2004 ALCS vs. the Yankees that I don’t watch the games at home because she got nervous watching me watch them.
We’ll occasionally watch a game together, but she’ll mainly comment on a player’s hygiene and ask why everyone has to spit.
In short, she is not an expert.
But we all saw how well MY expertise did for picking winners in the Division Series!
So I asked her to make her picks for the League Championship Series.
WIFE: I don’t even know who is playing.
ME: That’s alright, you can’t do worse than I did.
WIFE: Who is playing.
ME: The Detroit Tigers are playing the Oakland A’s. And the New York Mets are playing the St. Louis Cardinals.
WIFE: Do I know anyone on those teams?
ME: Ever hear of Justin Verlander or Curtis Granderson?
ME: Well they have Kenny Rogers, but it’s not the singer... how about Pudge Rodriguez?
ME: Well his real name is Ivan.
WIFE: Is he a fatty?
ME: Actually since they started testing for ‘roids he became really skinny.
WIFE: Never heard of him.
ME: The A’s have Frank Thomas... Barry Zito. He does yoga. (My wife teaches yoga, thought maybe he appeared in a yoga magazine or something.)
I know she knows Albert Pujols and Pedro Martinez, but I have a feeling we need a new criteria for picking a winner.
My wife reads the Project Runway update on Television Without Pity. Clearly this sparked something in my wife.
WIFE: What are their uniforms like?
ME: The Tigers wear black, white with orange highlights.
WIFE: Ooo. Good October colors.
ME: The A’s wear green, gold and white... with white shoes.
WIFE: White shoes AFTER Labor Day! No way, Detroit is going to win.
I nod, this seemed to make some sense. I decided to go to the National League.
ME: The Mets wear a bunch of colors... powder blue, black, orange, pinstripes.
My wife simulates vomiting. It’s looking good for the Cardinals.
WIFE: What about the other team?
ME: The Cardinals wear red and white. They also wear dark blue caps when they play on the road.
WIFE: Do they ever wear red caps?
ME: Yes, but only at home.
My wife contemplates this, then reveals her prediction.
WIFE: They’ll win... but only if they wear their red hats.
So there’s the pick:
The Detroit Tigers will prevail because of their season appropriate attire.
The St. Louis Cardinals will win with their red hats, but without home field, they’ll need to squeak a win out wearing blue hats.
I channelled Bob Costas to make my predictions.
My wife channelled Tim Gunn.
We’ll see which is the better muse for baseball picks.