Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Meanwhile out on a ledge with a Fox Sports Executive...

(Sully wanders onto the ledge of a building where a Fox Sports executive is looking down.)

SULLY: Hey man.

EXEC: Don't come near me... I'm going to do it.

SULLY: Let's talk this through.

EXEC: There's no use. This was going to be a bonanza World Series! We were going to have the Mets... or Boston... or the Dodgers... or maybe even a Cubs World Series! We had Manny, or Big Papi... we had Wrigley, Fenway or Chavez Ravine. And look at we we're stuck with.

SULLY: I know. Tampa Bay and Philly isn't the sexiest match up.

EXEC: Sexy? Jesus. We had superstars at the Dodger games. We had Ben Affleck and Marky Mark at the Red Sox games. Who are we going to have in Philly? "HEY LOOK! It's David Brenner." Screw it, I'm going to jump now.

SULLY: All is not lost!

EXEC: The hell it is! How are we going to sell House or American Idol knowing we've only cornered the Gulf Coast and South Jersey. We might as well just show episodes of Do Not Disturb.

SULLY: Don't say that. Not even as a joke.

EXEC: What's the use?

SULLY: I'll tell you what the use is! Yeah you don't have the usual suspects in the Series...but you could be ahead of the curve in promoting the future of baseball. Think of the storyline. You like stories where the underdog goes through a sudden transformation into something beautiful, right?

EXEC: Sully, we aired The Swan!

SULLY: Exactly. Well the Rays are the swan of baseball. And they have cool young players like David Price and B. J. Upton. Plus Evan Longoria... whose name sounds like Eva... and maybe you can trick some of the Desperate Housewife crowd!

EXEC: Oh come on. ABC had Longoria sitting courtside for those Spurs NBA finals and nobody watched.

SULLY: What about Rocky? You get that rough and tumble lovable underdog from Philly... play the music... have Tim McCarver run up the steps. Maybe have Sly, Carl Weathers, Mr. T and Dolph Lungren throw out the first pitch!

EXEC: Oh quit selling to the older crowd. Did you notice TBS only showed ads for Viagra and Flomax. The only people watching the game are flacid men who can't pee! We need NEW viewers!

SULLY: Well... this is the first time in a while that baseball can recapture the African American market.

EXEC: Tell me more without sounding racist or condescending.

SULLY: OK, I'll do my best. The number of prominent black players in baseball is shrinking. Baseball has the latin market down and has a huge Asian population. But more and more young African Americans turn away from baseball to football and basketball.

EXEC: So what's different?

SULLY: The Phillies have former MVPs Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins. The Rays have B. J. Upton, Carl Crawford and David Price. You have some of the best young African American talent on display and they can help sell the sport to a lot of kids who have become apathetic.

EXEC: But how can we SELL IT?

SULLY: Simple. Say "Hey! You sick of New York and Boston teams dominating? You sick of teams buying all their stars? Well guess what? Here's a World Series with young and hungry teams, built from their farm system and smart trades... no clear favorite and nothing is predictable except for the fact that it will be hard fought. Maybe even 7 games. Want to watch great baseball? It's here!"

EXEC: That's not bad.

SULLY: Sounds pretty good to me.

EXEC: We've aired worse.

SULLY: You aired The Chevy Chase Show.

EXEC: Touche.

SULLY: Come on. Let's get off the ledge and watch some baseball.

EXEC: Wait! Aren't they the DEVIL Rays? We can't sell anything with the word Devil in it to Middle America!

SULLY: Relax. They are just the Rays.

EXEC: Phew.

SULLY: Now hurry up. There are people from Fox News who are waiting for this ledge.

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